Welcome to Raise Your Inner Game Today, I’m David Levin. This is our Friday episode so we are talking all things Inner Game. Tuesdays are for sports and sports parenting. Fridays are for everyone.
So, We’ll start with Ups and Downs. What things were lifting me up this week and what things were pulling me down, making life harder.
In the Ups column, I reconnected with my old friend, John Miller. John and I, as you may know, wrote the QBQ book together, QBQ the question behind the question. John’s name is on the cover. Mine is on the inside. And for years and years, we spoke almost every day. And then at some point, I guess it started when I came out with MY first book, Don’t Just Talk, Be Heard! I started doing more of my own thing and our paths just diverged. It’s funny how that happens. Just naturally drifted apart in our daily energy and the next thing you know, we might actually speak once or twice a year. Crazy.
But anyway, I reached out this week, I was asking if he wanted to do an interview for the new podcast, and he said yes, which is great. And we’ll have his episode up fairly soon. He has a LOT of experience as a sports parent.
But we got on the phone and talked for an hour. And it was just so nice and fun because it was like it had been a day.
There was one funny thing about our relationship, which is that I was constantly thinking about what new thing we could try to reach more people, do new things, etc. And he would pretty much always say no, I don’t want to do that. I’m working plenty already. We’re doing well enough. I don’t want to do that.
And so, even on this call, years later, we were talking about something, and off I go, saying, have you thought about this? You could do that. And he laughed and said, here we are again, with you saying what we could try and me saying no. And we laughed. And it just felt really good. So that was one.
The next is a conversation I had with a young man, sophomore in high school, hockey player. He was doing some research for a school paper and wanted to ask some questions about the mental game.
And the thing that lifted me up about that was just getting the chance to talk with someone who’s all the way in it, you know? He is super serious about his game, and very aware of the mental game issues he has. And it was just fun and sort of thrilling to talk about it and have him recognize things so quickly. Have a chance to hear the specifics of the things he deals with.
And by the way, the big thing is the difference between how they do in practice and on game day. Over and over I hear the same thing. In practice, they’re happy with their performance. On game day, it’s not there. The pressure, the distractions. They basically never do as well under pressure as they do at other times.
And of course, that’s frustrating. Especially because they don’t really know how to fix it. And no one around them knows. Not their coach, not their parents.
But it’s still encouraging somehow just to have them be so aware of it.
One cool specific from the call. I hadn’t thought to frame it this way before, but as I listened to him talk, it was clear that one big difference he was experiencing was that in practice, he has fun. But on game day, he really doesn’t.
And that framing made for a great goal to shoot for, pardon the hockey pun, in raising his inner game. Just imagine, we said, how different your success would be if you could be in the same sort of fun mode on game day as you are in practice. And he got that right away. It would change everything.
So anyway, it was just a fun, uplifting conversation.
And then the third one for this week was Suzette. Our daughter has started babysitting and we have a new family across the street with a little girl, Suzette who is not quite two. Which by the way, is the same age Frances was when we moved here. So she babysat last Saturday night. Date night for mom and dad. And she brought Suzette over here. So we were hanging out, we had dinner together, and boy, if THAT doesn’t make things feel more alive, I don’t know what will. Hanging out with a toddler. It’s SUCH a rich experience.
For one thing, it’s amazing to be reminded of how little kids are just completely, profoundly in the now. Right? I mean that’s all there is. What am I feeling and wanting to do RIGHT NOW. And I love it it, but it is a very unique state.
And you know, people a lot of times, and I think wrongly, will say things like, If we could only have the innocence of a child, you know? Like they’re holding that up as a goal. And I just think that’s completely wrong, and I’m really reminded of that when I’m around a young one like that.
There is a big difference between being present as an adult and being in the moment as a little kid.
As an adult, it’s about self-regulation. You feel all the stuff going on inside but you can step back from it and be present in the moment. That’s one of the greatest skills we can have.
For little kids, there is ZERO self regulation. They’re not FREEING themselves from their lower impulses. They are 100% controlled by them. I mean, there’s still a real beauty in it for sure. But it is NOT a state we should aspire to as adults. We are actually looking for the opposite of that.
Anyway, it was just really fun to have her over. And also good when it was time for her to go back home. Because it is taxiing.
It’s so fascinating to me how you can go through something that intense and all-consuming as having kids that age, and that you love it so much. And then you can also basically completely forget what it was like. I’m not sure why that is possible. But it is. I do not really remember our kids being that little. It’s crazy.
So those are my UPS for this week.
For the Downs, the top one that comes to mind is that terrible shooting in Colorado. Just an awful thing.
And for me, I think about the reality of it, the emotional reality for the people there, which I honestly can’t really imagine how horrifying that would be in the moment. The sights, the sounds, the fear. Just too much. And the emotional and mental burden for people afterwards, the memories, the on-going fears.
Years ago, I had an experience where I got really claustrophobic, on the verge of panicking, and that stayed with me for years. All kinds of situations that would never have bothered me before, now were stressful and scary. And that was NOTHING compared to something like this. So I really feel for everyone involved.
But also, thinking about the shooter. How is it possible for someone to do that? To walk into a place, and obviously to have planned it out in advance, to walk in and just start shooting people in cold blood. To watch them fall and hear the screams and keep going. I just can not imagine it.
At another level, though, I do think I understand what makes it possible. And it’s worth talking about.
In the Raise You Inner Game material, I talk about the Four Levels Physical Emotional. Intellectual and Level Four. And what it means to be ON a lower level, which is, that aspect of ourselves takes over and the other aspects get pushed to the background. So, for example, when I’m ON level two, the emotional level, I’m upset, my emotions take over, drive my behavior, and my logical level three self gets pushed to the back. So I can say things and do things that don’t really make sense. And we’ve all had that experience.
So, for someone to do what this guy did, that can only happen when they have shut down their emotional/empathetic Level Two self. You can not do that when you are feeling the emotional reality of what you’re doing to others.
It can happen for various psychological reasons. But it frequently happens, when people get deeply stuck in their Level Three, logical self.
Now, you want to say, no way, there’s nothing logical about what he did. But that’s because you aren’t completely stuck there. You are still in touch with your emotional/empathetic self.
When you are connected to your emotions, you’re right, it makes no sense. But when you are SO stuck in your logical self that your empathy has shut down, it can make sense.
This is how genocide happens. Some leader tells a story, paints a picture, that dehumanizes a group of people, and all of a sudden, we stop seeing them as human like we are, and so mistreating them doesn’t trigger our normal human empathy.
That’s why it’s SO dangerous when any leader does this and why we need to have ZERO tolerance for it. Because this kind of thing is what that leads to.
So anyway, that’s the Down I want to mention this week. Not only the event itself, but also for how it reminds me of the irresponsible things so many of our so-called leaders do in this area.
All right, that’s ups and down. Next up, the RAISE YOUR INNER GAME WEATHER REPORT
All right. Inner Game Weather. Just a quick check in. How’s your Inner Gravity today and what does the next week look like? Light load, regular load, or heavy load, where you might need to do something to raise our inner game?
All right, today. Pretty good. Not much to report. Things have warmed up a bit which makes SUCH a difference for me. The difference between above and below freezing is really big. There’s something about that air, when it’s frozen, that just kicks in a kind of survival mode that just lets up when things warm up. Anyway, that’s nice. Feeling good. Energy good. All good.
Looking forward, of course the big thing is Thanksgiving coming up. I’m recording this before Thursday. And it is honestly mixed. I look forward to it. I really do. I love our big family. We’re heading up to be with them. And I DON’T love being away from home. Sort of stressful, the planning, packing, driving, etc. Never get great sleep, you know how that goes.
I’m also still paying close attention to my food intake and that is just not going to happen very well on Thanksgiving.
So, overall, I don’t expect to have to do any special work to be present and be the person I want to be. But it’s also going to be good to get back home after a couple days.
So, that’s my forecast. How about you? How’s your inner game today and how does your upcoming week look? I hope it’s good. But think about that. And we will move to our Top Stories.
All right. Top Stories.
My top story this week, besides the Colorado shooting, is Twitter. Such a mess. And I sort of hate to even be talking about it, but I actually think what’s going on there is important, and maybe not in the way most people are talking about. I hear it some, but not in most places.
For me, the real problem with what’s happening at Twitter is that Elon musk is doing things in the name of free speech, or at least that’s what he says, that are truly harmful to society. And for some reason, he doesn’t see it. He actually disagrees. He seems to think that this concept of free speech, or his interpretation of it, is more important than the harm he’s causing.
And since he’s in complete control now, I just thought this is not getting better and I can’t be a part of it. So I canceled my account, which I really didn’t want to do. I like twitter. I get a lot out of hearing from the people I follow. I don’t tweet much or comment. So I don’t get exposed to all the craziness. I miss it already. But I can’t support his vision and lack of responsibility.
So, here’s what I think he and many others get wrong about free speech. It actually drives me a little crazy.
Free speech, as a concept and foundation of our country, means one very specific thing. It means that the government can not punish us for saying things it doesn’t like. That’s it. That’s the whole story. The freedom is from the GOVERNMENT controlling what we’re allowed to say.
And even that has limits. You can’t share government secrets. You can’t threaten public officials. You can’t lie under oath. You can’t incite a riot.
None of us want to live in a country where those things ARE allowed, and we don’t. Our speech is generally free from government control, but within reasonable limits. End of story.
So to claim free speech issues in the context of Twitter or any other platform is just silly. If I get kicked off twitter, that’s not a free speech violation. I am still free to say whatever I want, within limits. The government has nothing to do with that and won’t say anything about it. They just won’t.
So, to hold up this holy right of free speech as justification for allowing people to do real harm to our society, is just profoundly wrong and irresponsible.
So, why is it happening? Possible it’s all bullshit. He’s hiding behind it because he thinks he’ll make more money with those people on the platform. Similar to how the GOP uses it as a bullshit smokescreen for their agenda.
If I had to guess, I would say that’s not it. That he really does believe it. And that this is actually a good example of what we talked about earlier. Smart guy. Lives in his head. Empathy perhaps not a strong suit. So when he looks at the problem, he doesn’t SEE the emotional aspect that you and I do. He can picture a world where a CONCEPT is more true in a sense and more important than the emotional reality it leads to.
Obviously, I don’t know. But that’s what seems most likely to me at this point.
Either way, it’s really bad and I don’t want to support that view of the world.
Free speech is critically important, of course. The government should not be in the business of deciding what we can and can’t say, within limits. But this is not a free speech question. The question here is, is it making the world better for people or worse, are they making life easier or harder?
And on that score, on our Tolstoy Scale of serving humanity, this is pretty near the bottom.
Standing behind free speech as an excuse to allow people to divide us and damage society, and possibly doing it for personal gain, that’s pretty bad. I’m going to give that a 2 on the Tolstoy scale. I can imagine things that would be worse, but it’s bad. Hard to find an argument in favor of what he’s doing there.
All right, that’s my top story.
Next up, our Quote of the Week.
All right, this week’s quote is one of my favorites. I’ve come back to this many times over the years. It’s credited to Viktor Frankl in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning. I haven’t actually read that book, so I don’t know for sure. But I love it either way. And here it is.
“What is to give light must endure burning.” - Viktor Frankl
This is basically the idea, though the connection didn’t occur to me until right now, behind our new podcast format and community, the Raise Your Inner Game Charging Station.
“What is to give light must endure burning.”
In other words, if you’re going to be a positive force in the world, in your family, in your work, in your community, it’s going to burn. It is HARD to be the better version of yourself. But it’s also super important. We all need each other to do that, to stay positive and not let ourselves slip into the fear-based negativity that is driving so much of what’s going on in the world now.
So, we’re here to celebrate you for doing the work. Thank you! And to help you get the boost you need to keep doing it. And this beautiful quote speaks right to that.
I also just find it helpful and inspiring personally. When I’m feeling the load of the work. Why am I working so hard on this, why can’t I just coast and get by with good enough for a while?” This reminds me why. I’m doing it because I believe it’s important. So the burning is just part of the deal.
So anyway, that is our Quote of the Week … “What is to give light must endure burning.” Give that one some thought.
Next up RAISE YOUR OUTER GAME
The Inner Game is our first love, but we love working on our Outer Game too. Health, Relationships/Family, Finances. That’s what we’re trying to improve by raising our inner game. So this week our focus is on … THE GYM. Strength training.
Disclosure: I am not an expert in this. I can only speak to my experience, but oh my, what a difference this has made for me.
So, I’ve been going to the gym twice a week for almost a year now. I think I started this last January.
Before that, for years, I was doing just basic calisthenics at home. Push ups, pull ups, sit ups. Literally 5 minutes of work or less, a few times a week. Plus trying to run a few times a week. And when I say run, it’s really a jog. 10 minute miles or less.
But over the years, I noticed a couple of things. One, my runs were getting shorter and shorter. I ran two marathons in my early 40s. Which is weird because I hated running up until I hit 40. But in the last couple of years, for a daily run I couldn’t go much more than a mile and a half. Just got too tired.
Also, I would get so tapped out from what seemed like pretty easy things. Like literally, I would clean out the car, so I’m bending over and climbing around in there, wiping things down, vacuuming. Not that hard, right. But afterward I was just exhausted. I would need a nap. I would be sore the next day. If it involved any crouching, like getting up and down off the ground, it was even worse. It just seemed kind of crazy. I couldn’t stand up and put my pants on one leg at a time. I had to sit down to do that. And I thought, I know I’m getting old but this seems kind of ridiculous.
And I’d always heard over the years that strength training is critical for quality of life, especially as you get older. Also, my father did not do anything to stay fit and he really declined in a way that I was just not going to let happen, for my own sense of self, and to not be that kind of burden on Margret.
So anyway, last January, I started up at the gym. And by the way, I know that sounds funny, because everyone starts in January. But I had a good reason. It was actually last Fall I decided to start lifting, but I had a hernia that needed to be repaired first. So I had that done last November, and January was when I was recovered and ready to go.
So I start going to the gym, and I wanted to work with a trainer just to make sure I was doing things right. And that was a good idea, except he didn’t seem to really know how to gauge my limits getting started. There were a couple of weeks there where I was basically incapacitated from over doing it. My biceps one week were so sore that I literally could not extend my arms for a full week. I was pissed at him for that. That was a real problem.
But, it ended up working out, no pun intended. And I just can not believe the transformation.
I feel and look completely different. I can stand up to put my pants on now. I feel much more stable and balanced. I can do all kinds of work and not be nearly as tired. I feel much more energetic and capable. My runs are back up to almost 3 miles.
Now, to be fair, it turns out the running issue also had to do with coronary artery disease. Hereditary. I had a stent put in last March I think. But that only makes the transformation more notable. I am in better shape now than I have been in at least 20 years. It’s crazy.
I’m also happy to see that I seem pretty attached to it now. It used to be that if I had a lot to do in a day, it was pretty easy to skip the exercise.
But now, it’s the opposite. When I look at my day, the exercise comes first. I will get that done, and fit in the work around it. Part of that is because of how quickly things slide back now at my age. If I miss even a full week, I will feel that when I pick back up, and I don’t want to feel that. So it’s really important to me to stay consistent. But that’s encouraging because of course I do want to stay with it.
So anyway, that is my experience with strength training. I can not recommend it enough. I wish I had started way sooner.
And of course, I strongly encourage you to do the same, if you’re not already.
By the way, if you’re wondering, I don’t workout super hard. I don’t ever work to failure. That was what caused me so much trouble at first. I don’t do legs on one day, upper body another. I don’t do multiple sets even. I have found a nice doable balance where I do a full body workout, takes about 30 minutes. I can feel it for a day or so but it’s not really sore. I go twice a week. And it just seems perfect.
So that is our Outer Game discussion for the week. I hope you find that helpful and inspiring because it is incredible. Get out there, do some lifting. You will love it.
Next up … Inner Game Gold.
These are the ideas and concepts and reminders I come back to over and over to help me stay focused and on track, and I imagine they’ll do the same for you.
This week I want to share a bit of a thought experiment I heard from Sam Harris. It’s basically a gratitude exercise, nice fit for Thanksgiving week, but it’s got a crazy twist to it that I just really like.
So, the story is, he and his wife were driving somewhere, down the highway, and all of a sudden, there was a guy standing in the middle of the road for some reason and they blew past him, right next to the car.
They were totally shocked, you can imagine, it happened so fast. And they thought, My god, we could have killed that guy. Fortunately, they didn’t of course. Nothing actually happened. But the possibility felt very real. It was that close.
So now here is the thought experiment that came out of that. And again, I’m just repeating what I heard from Sam.
But it went like this. Imagine if we HAD killed that guy. Imagine the horror of that, the guilt we would feel, the disruption in our lives. It would transform everything.
And if it had happened, what would we give to undo it, to somehow get back to how things were before. We’d give everything right?
In other words, we would give everything we had to get back to the life we actually do have right now.
So, why can’t we have that feeling of joy and appreciation and gratitude for the life we have right now?
Isn’t that great? So that’s the exercise. Imagine something truly horrible happening in your life. That’s the weird twist. And how desperately you would wish for things to be back the way they were. And then just bring that feeling to the way things are. And be thrilled with the relief and the gift that is your actual life. So good.
It’s a bit of a weird one, I admit. But I love it. And I really do feel a shift whenever I think of it. So, I hope you enjoy it as well.
All right, next up, our charging station challenge of the week.
Last week, we thought about the quote of the week every day. I want to do a similar thing this week, because this is more of an actual exercise. But let’s broaden it a bit.
So here you go. The challenge for this week is to do some sort of gratitude exercise every day. You can do this one we just talked about. If you know of another one, you can do that. You could search online and find another one to do. Everyone I’ve heard of just takes a few moments. So it should be easy enough to do. But intentionally putting yourself in this place of feeling gratitude is a wonderful and helpful thing to do.
So that’s the challenge this week. I will post it in the Charging Station community. If you want, you can post your daily thoughts there. Always better and more fun to do these with others.
If you’re not in the Community yet. Click the link in the notes. Register for the Mental Game Starter kit. That gets you into the Community and you can go straight to the Challenge. It’s one of the first things you see there when you log in.
All right, that’s it for this week’s Charging Station Challenge. Now, highly recommended.
This is just things I’m crazy about right now. Books, shows, gadgets. Things I love and highly recommend.
I only have one to share this week. It’s another show. But it is fantastic.
It’s on Hulu, I believe. Created by Taika Waititi who seems to be everywhere now, and is great. It’s called Reservation Dogs, which I assume is a play on Reservoir Dogs, and it is just one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. Margret and I both feel the same way. She actually found it first and bugged for a long time to watch it and I’m so glad she did.
The premise is that these four teenagers, great friends, they’re native americans, they live on the res, and it’s just their life, dealing with things big and small. And you are completely immersed in the culture. And it is beautiful and hilarious. And just fantastic.
I think part of why we loved it so much is because we lived on the Zuni Indian reservation in New Mexico for three years back around 2000. Margret was working for the Indian Health Service. And so we got a taste of the culture, still as outsiders of course. We are no kinds of experts. But it did make the show feel a little more familiar than it might have otherwise.
But I think really anyone would enjoy it. It’s just so beautifully done. It’s funny. It’s touching. It’s well acted and written. It feels SO real. Interesting, too, but I believe it is also the first show that is 100% created by Native Americans. All the writers and directors. Almost everybody in the cast and crew. Which is probably why it feels so real.
I can’t help but think, too, that there are a lot of inside jokes in there. There are some bits that seem funny to me but that strike me that there might be another layer that I don’t get that would make it truly hilarious to someone who does. Obviously, I can’t know. But I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.
Anyway, Reservation Dogs. Hulu. Can not recommend it highly enough.
For links to these, check the show notes here and in the Community. The Community is free. Just sign up for the Starter Kit. You’ll find everything there.
All right, that is it for today’s episode.
If you like what you heard, please tell your friends and rate and review on Apple podcasts. Every positive review helps more people discover the show and get an Inner Game Boost in their own life.
Join us in the Charging Station Community for even more Inner Game goodness. Links are in the show notes and at raise your inner game dot com.
And finally, remember, Leo Tolstoy, “The ultimate purpose in life is to serve humanity.” That’s what we’re doing. It’s super important. Keep up the good work and we’ll see you next time.
